swan_bite: Anna eating some cotton candy and looking smug about it (suck my)
first of all various forms of Sassy:

1.I'd marry your cat just to get in the family by [livejournal.com profile] wanttobeatree (so effin' funny, classic)
2.A HELICOPTER! (there's a reason why the title is in CAPS) by [livejournal.com profile] wanttobeatree
3.The Good Part About Hitting on Dean Winchester's Brother Is You Know He's Heard Worse Lines by [livejournal.com profile] probing_grays
4.Episodes Commenting @ Sassy OTP
5.When I forget by [livejournal.com profile] glassyskies
on this half-filled canvas of a boy this fic one of the most beautiful searing portraits of Castiel i've ever read and really jives with what i think of him. i think he's bit of an accident to his canon creators, half-formed in canon, fully realized through fandom and made all the better for it.


Thinky thoughts on "Meet the New Boss" aka the Office meets A Clockwork Orange


i've decided that I'm not going to spoil myself at all this year. i don't seem to have other fans' relationship with the show, where it's like SPN is their child and they are unable to think anything negative about it and any slight criticism hits them on their primal spot and all they can think of is to protect it, defend it, and eliminate all signs of hateration. which cool, but that's not me. my relationship is a little more like SPN is that significant other that has soooooo much potential, but fails about as many times at it succeeds, but when it succeeds it does so much that it kinda really compensates for the constant failures.

so rumors about it sucking in various ways? not gonna help maintain this relationship. i'll see what i'll see and if it's bad? then i'll deal and if it's not, angsting about it before that ain't gonna help.

also, i miss [livejournal.com profile] squishyball like cray-cray. i knew that i'd miss her if she ever decide her this was enough, but it was such a weird experience watching an episode without her, not in the chats and in twitter...though [livejournal.com profile] angel_kink made it an enjoyable experience, thank goodness. without her comments and squeeing i would have felt too lonesome, because nobody i know IRL follows SPN as much as i do.

i think i have to watch it again because the more i think about it the more i'm seeming to fixate on how spoilerspoilerspoiler )
swan_bite: Anna eating some cotton candy and looking smug about it (whatevs)
was watching the Emmys. cool start. already bored. AANNNNNNNNNNNND g'night!
swan_bite: Anna eating some cotton candy and looking smug about it (zombiefied mm)
\o/ lemme just say that i love when strapping young men cuddle each other like cats. for realsies, it's better than sex to me. xP shut up.

/o\ i have been trying to steer clear off any spoilers for S7-Supernatural because i'm worried i'll get my heartbroken and suffer horribly beforehand and during and then after. better to just suffer during and after, despite all rumors to the contrary i am not a masochist. i am apprehensive though. that dread horror movie feeling you get when you know shit is about to go down like Jason on the Titanic. i'm so scared for Castiel-- not necessarily that he may die, because who are we kidding here, this is Supernatural, Jesus's resurrection is nothing next to these biatches. but i am worried that they might ruin the character beyond repair and that Cas-haters will use shoddy canon to get their Cas-hateration on. anyway, i'm already prophesying evil stories in my head, i don't need hysterical commentary and spoilers to make it worst.




\o/ read "Feed" by Mira Grant, and are now even more obsessed than i used to be about zombies. i love apocalypse movies, books, comics. when i was a kid i'd watch and rewatch "The Plague" with Raul Julia and William Hurt like other kids watched "Goonies."


"Feed" is a near-future political thriller where bloggers are respectable journalists with government licenses & pack heat, the Zombie Apocalypse has actually happened, and we survived thanks to savior of mankind: George Romero. WHAT WOULD GEORGE ROMERO DO? there are quite a few zombies still walking the Earth ready to eat us, but we've got the proper technology to survive them, and we do just like we used to survive all the other predators that tried to eat us back in the day of caves and clubs and bows and arrows. in this AU, there are different types of bloggers: Fictionals (who write fic & poetry), Stewarts (who give you news/opinions), Irwins (poking crocks zombies is their specialty), and Newsies (they give you the news straight up, no thrills and frills). in the middle of all this are Newsie!George and Irwin!Shaun Mason, an intrepid brother-sister duo who have been chosen to follow a political candidate in the road to the presidency. it's a book for nerds. yeah, the zombies are a constant threat, but the science behind the infection is a big deal (OMG I FUCKING LOVE WORLD-BUILDING SO MUCH I WANT TO GAY MARRY IN IT IN NY) and so are the characters. in the end, it's not the zombies who are the real bad guys in this story... this is what i love about good sci-fi, how it puts things on a grand scale in order to magnify the little things without being twee or corny about them. love and living large and carpe diem are not that trite when tomorrow your granny might be munching on yr brain.

in a way it's also an issues book (politics/corruption, the integrity of the news & journalists, fame whores, the culture of fear, terrorism, the role of Religion without discernment in promoting wtfuckery, truth and how far you'll go to preserve it, etc.). but a well written issues book. like, it transcends the issues and is all about the story with those issues added in making it all better. not many nerdy, smart, fun zombie books out there and this is one of them.

two --er-- caveats? i don't even know what to call them, because i'm not really warning you about these things, like Shaun would never try to dissuade somebody from walking into a zombie-infested zone because he wouldn't wanna deprive you of fun-- but, just keep your head about you is all i'm sayin.'

uno- not gonna lie there's also a bit of a sam&dean type of relationship going on with cynical George and jaunty, wise-cracking Shaun which left me interested, and no, not in the porny sense. i just love rly intense claustrophobic relationships that don't have a smidgeon of health to them. because screw health on the missionary, i just want intensity, intimacy, the realization that these two people work because of each other and if one of them was to die the other one would be ruined without them. grand passion, you know, and all that.

dos- one thing that didn't quite jive with me was how George would pretend to be a Newsie when she really felt like a Stewart in her blog entries. not objective and free from opinion at all-- specially as the story progressed and she became closer and closer to the Republican candidate. (yes, Republican, but don't hold that against him. the world has gone mad, zombies are walking the Earth and a Republican candidate is actually kinda cool for some of the values of...). that might have been intentional though, i'm still thinking about it.
swan_bite: Anna eating some cotton candy and looking smug about it (mah heels)
wow, unexpected hiatus was unexpected.

i feel so freaking out of it, my darlings. this is sooooooo weird. am i really posting? i've lost practice and feel all awk and lost and yeah. xP

anyway, i'm a do bulletsies! bulletsies will SAVE ME.

* i'm actually excited for Supernatural's 7th season. omg, holy crap, expletives, expletives. which i didn't expect considering that i've been emobitching up the wazoo about character assassinations and Sera Fucking Gambles and Damn You, Baldy, you know who you are! *shakes fist of rage and helplessness* but, yes. was watching "America's Tyra why are you so fucking batshit" and i saw like half a second of SPNity amidst the Nikitas (i'm sure it's good, but i have a list as long as Jared's arm of TV Shows To Watch and it's not a top priority...i mean, i haven't even seen "The Good Wife" or "Breaking Bad") and Teenage Vampires and Gossip Things and my heart started donkodonking. no lie.

* has everyone seen the s6 gagreel by now? it's like filmed permission to RPF. bullshit, it's a filmed permission to RPS with some poly thrown on the side. if they EVER talk about how we're all a bunch of nymphofannish pervs we can just point them to exhibit a, b, c, d,... and accuse them of pandering and entrapment and i'm not real clear on the legalese, but y'all get my point.

* talking about legalese, i am in love with "Suits" and most particularly Gina Torres. her body is perfection and it's perfection not only because it's perfection, but it's perfection because she wields it like Michelangelo wielded his sculptor-thingy when he made The David. for serious, I hate to see her go but I love to watch her leave. WAR SHIPS HAVE SAILED FOR LESS THAN THIS. i wish i could write sonnets about how she glides through a room. you guys should watch "Suits" 'cause then you can fangasm with me and also get all of gigantic's commentary. it's my favoritest show of the summer and this week is the last episode. boo!

* CAPTIVE PRINCE how many times have i rec'd this original fic and does anybody in my flist read it? NO. wtf, bbs. i'm going to have to go friend me some sadpatheticobssessedcool bitches likeme to talk about it.

* have read buttloads of thinky books and YA books and even a Romance book or two but no fics in forever. meh. i don't even know where to start. I AM INTIMIDATED BY MY OWN BOOKMARKS. lordy.

* Image and video hosting by TinyPic

shit. [livejournal.com profile] britomart_is told me that she could turn my help_japan fic into J2 "America's Next Top Model" and i said no. -_-
swan_bite: Anna eating some cotton candy and looking smug about it (Default)
i am desperately seeking susan looking for an artist to draw my summer header. and summer? it's almost over. okay, i'm exaggerating but not by much. what do I want?

Sin (from the very enjoyable Demon's Surrender) Baby Doll, Castiel, Erik, Harry Potter & Spock chillin' at the beach, like it's a Corona commercial, with said coronas and margaritas and whatever else being drank while tanning. is that really too much to ask? come on, you know you want to see Castiel and Spock building a sandcastle while Harry warns Erik on the dangers of becoming the Next Dark Lord while Erik flirts with him (having that thing for earnest, self-righteous boys that he does) and Sin and Baby Doll share a huge beach-towel and Sin rubs a LOT of sunscreeen on Baby's delicate skin because it could burn to a crisp and...er...my screen is getting foggy and i've lost my train of thought. what was i talking about again?

right. i need to find me an artist. =/ you know any? help me out. pls?
swan_bite: Anna eating some cotton candy and looking smug about it (like a dungeon dragon)
* my favorite show this summer. dear lawd, i'm already trolling for fanfic, and bitches? there is fanfic already. looky here AO3 rocks my socks:



not to mention GINA TORRES I WANT TO HAVE YOUR BABIES! OMG. LOOK AT THIS FIERCE SEXY GODDESS DRINKING COFFEE UNF!




* i've changed my profile recs, just in case anybody's looking for some suits, x-men, spn, or newtrek fics.

* what am i doing right now? Coffee Prince by way of [livejournal.com profile] thefourthvine i love how she manages to find "push the gender envelope" shows in K-Dramaland. o.O bizarre & awesome.
swan_bite: Anna eating some cotton candy and looking smug about it (i read small words in big print)
let it be known this is just my opinion blah blah blah i'm very picky blah blah blah sometimes i'll change my mind the more i think about a book and often i'll like it less and less blah blah blah.

AWESOME:
Swordspoint (relevant to slashy interests)
The Mismeasure of Man
Jane Eyre
Push
The Hunger Games (the first one)
Kushiel's Dart (relevant to slashy & femmeslashy interests)
Dragon Soul (Fandom authors)
The Master and Margarita
Slaughterhouse Five

COOL:
The Road (sadface)
The Boy in the Stripped Pajamas (sadface)
The Wet Nurse's Tale (saucy & sadface by turns)
The Panda's Thumb
Catching Fire (i started liking the series less and less with each new installment)
The Graveyard Book
Havemercy (Fandom authors)
Shadowmagic
Liquor: A Novel (relevant to slashy interests)
Gone with the Wind (compellingly readable)

YUCK:
The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (zzzzzzzzzzzz)
Blood Brothers (i tried, but the Romance genre is not my cuppa. not the author's fault.)
The Ghost Wore Yellow Socks
Wes & Toren
Silver Phoenix (this one moved from the like pile, to the meh pile, to the yuck pile)
Zero at the Bone
Dead until Dark
Mockingjay

MEH:
The Lincoln Lawyer
Whistling in the Dark
swan_bite: Anna eating some cotton candy and looking smug about it (yay this is boss)
my kind's your kind by smallacts


“You’re all the things I’m not, all the things he wanted that I wasn’t. Headstrong, impulsive, vain without being at all sure of your worth. You’re brash and bold, or at least you would be, if you weren’t so angry, so confused by what’s happening to you.” Dom shakes his head. “No, I know you, Eames. You’ll be everything Arthur has ever wanted - a partner, a rival, someone to challenge his every move, his every desire. Nothing will compare to the satisfaction he gets when he finally wins you, when you finally realize that fighting him is nothing compared to giving in.”

“Love,” she says. And when the pair of them keep looking at her incomprehensibly, she adds, “Look, Dean sold his soul for Sam. He went to Hell for him. That’s pretty much beyond devotion. And Sam went nuts when Dean was gone—like, a looooong way off the deep end. And then there’s all the little things.”.

the last room by sevenfists

Bobby makes a noise. "We don't have time for that, son. That's your brother in the back seat—don't you want to give him a proper burial?"

"No," Dean says. He wants his fucking coat. He goes around to the trunk and shoves his hand in his pocket, looking for his keys, but they aren't there—they're supposed to be in his left pocket, that's where he always keeps them, and if they aren't there he doesn't know where the fuck they are. He'll have to hotwire the car, which is always a pain in the ass, especially when he has to fix it all later. He'd rather just find his fucking keys. Maybe they fell out in the mud, earlier, when he was—when Sam was—maybe he dropped them, is all.

Baby can dance. She can plan and she can fight. She makes a girl want to dream again.

At night, when the lights go out, if you're very quiet, you can slide your fingers down your belly, between your legs, give yourself what the men in here want to take from you.

Rocket used to think of Clark. She used to think of Sweetpea. Now she thinks of Baby and her big eyes and her soft hands and the way she holds a knife.

She thinks of Baby dancing.

stargazers by tiptoe39


Each stutter is harder and harder to listen to. Coiled energy is springing up in the seat of him, and Castiel doesn't think he can listen to another word, until Sam runs out of words and Castiel straightens up and fills the void and the silence with his own mouth, his lips sealing over Sam's, his fingertips pulling Sam's face in, his heart pounding loud enough to drum away the silence. The corners of his eyes catch the red-filtered gaze of the flashlight rolling uselessly over their star map before his lashes droop and he's not seeing anything.


C R E D I T S

swan_bite: Anna eating some cotton candy and looking smug about it (jess likes it)
**idk if anybody's noticed but i've been on a bit of a hiatus! and not the kind of hiatus that means that Filomena is a partyin' ho with a really long dance card. oh, noes! Filomena has been studying and working and her life is a big workaholic mountain of poo. poo! FML. oh, and i'm talking about myself in the 3rd person which is totally a sign of major loserdoom and incoming depression.

***i am seriously loving USA shows, nerdy jewish doctors, suave bisexual conmen and their adorakable bisexual G-men, suits suits and more suits, notices that burn, guns and holsters, etc...well, except Covert Affairs. i know, i know. i really tried, and i wanted to love Annie, because idk if you guys know this amazing piece of information but Piper Perabo was a gorgeous lesbian in "Imagine You & Me" with the indomitable Lena Headey who is so hawtass that when people tell me Queen Cersei is a horrible bitch i say YES YES YES SHE IS DO YOU SEE THE HEARTS IN MY EYES THE PINK SPARKLY HEARTS?!?!? THEY ARE FOR HER BECAUSE I LOVE HER OMG! *runs around in circles* but yeah, Covert Affair sucks imo and if the CIA is that boring i'm going to have to stop using that as a come-hither line.


****i'm considering dipping my toes in the X-Men: First Class Fandom, but i'm sooooooooooooooo picky about exactly what i want that i think it'll just be an incoming avalanche of disappointment. after all, though the movie (i thought) did a good job of not being a Xavier or Magneto apologist, fanfic'ers already seem to be picking sides talking about "privileged" or "intolerant" or whatever. like, goddamn it, why can't you guys just leave stuff a little complex, ambiguous and not use fanfic as propaganda? when a movie about superheroes seems to be more nuanced than the meta on it-- idek, guys. this is why we can't have nice things or why i'm so freaking hesitant, either one.


*****i did somehow have time to read and not really like a few bigbang fics, but then again, i've purposely been leaving off anything that sounds truly good as a present for myself. like, umm, anything [livejournal.com profile] glassyskies has ever written and will ever write, 'cause that fierce bitch can do no wrong, and [livejournal.com profile] britomart_is 's big bang which I'm pretending was written for me, because j'adore Jess. yep, and though i have a hard time buying threesomes (they are usually graphic and not really passionate) Jess/Dean/Sam and any variation thereof is amazingly appealing to me in the right hands (like, the non-girl-hating hands? those hands) stfu, the woman has legs up to her armpits and she was clearly kickass. (in my mind canon, Jess is Girl!Dean and don't tell me that's not trufax, 'cause i ain't gonna listen.


*******if you haven't been reading "Captive Prince" I FEEL SO SORRY FOR YOU. SERIOUSLY. LIKE, OCEANS OF PITY IN YOUR GENERAL DIRECTION. yes, this is a rec. take this shit seriously, yo. it will change your life.

********also, damn you [livejournal.com profile] rhythmsextion for making me like football enough that i'm watching "Necessary Roughness" right now and thinking J2! J2! J2!
swan_bite: Anna eating some cotton candy and looking smug about it (sam & dean looking at stars)
THIS WHOLE FUCKING MOVIE REMINDS OF HARRY POTTER AND THE SEXY MUTANTS. I APPROVE.

\o/ six degrees of Kevin Bacon. it's getting too easy.
\o/ every time Charlies says "Erik" i hear "put it in me now, boy." it's so romantic.
\o/ "calm yr mind" is the new chill out.
\o/ feet hands could potentially be very kinky. i'm surprised he wants to get rid of them. giving handjobs with his feet? like a boss.
\o/ Charlie-boy makes sex-faces when attached to cerebro.
\o/ Hank is hawtass in every incarnation. yeah, i went there.
\o/ the bit with the battleships reminded me of-- yep-- Battleship
\o/ Xavier gets dumped by Erik and builds a school. *coughs*Dubledore*coughs*Grindewald*coughs* apparently this is the Britboy version of cutting yr hair and eating a pound of ice cream.
\o/ bald jokes. i am sad though. :*( balls.
\o/ MACADAYUM'S EYES ARE TOO PRETTY AND FASSY SMILES LIKE GORGEOUS MADMAN.
\o/ i feel very YAY and BOOOO about this movie. my emotions, they be complex.


yes, i'm late to the party. so what? i just finished watching s2 of Veronica Mars and have only watched one season of Lost. walk walk fashionably late, bb.
swan_bite: Anna eating some cotton candy and looking smug about it (done professionally)
from the very beginning i realized, along with the rest of y'all, that the philosophy of this show wasn't centered on redemption or victory or living in a world where evil could be overcome if you tried long and hard. that it wasn't about winning, but about going on, persevering? with someone you love and would die for and live for at your side.

at first i wasn't sure if this lovely pessimistic outlook was just bleed from Dean's bravado. a dystopian pov as fake and superficial as big bro's tough guy, idgaf macho persona, but soon enough the little Kripkean fatalistic streaks started to surface. i could recognize it because my grandmother was the same way. whenever things went well she'd be primly and patiently waiting for the Universe to right itself, sure that horrid shit was waiting in the bushes like crouching tiger, hidden dragon getting ready to jump and hit the fan.

found some ComicCon vids on youtube where Jensen talked about how the two brothers were like two cowboys (which made the fangirls go crazy and (SOME) fanboys yearn for a simpler time when "cowboy" wasn't synonymous with "gay"). going in i thought about how SPN's more like "A Fist Full of Dollars" than "Unforgiven." the type of cowboy film where the protag is the one the audience roots for because the other men around him are less badass and more assholistic than him. i, like Samn'Dean when they were looking at the speck of dust in the other one's eye, was critical of the Winchester's methods (even while i adored them, because unconditional love doesn't mean blind love in my part of the woods). shooting the shit, just waiting for the awkward moment when the difference between the good guys and the bad guys is the good guy's names are on the marquee.

a somewhat softer version of: There are no bad guys. There are no good guys. There are only better guys, and worse guys. -Blakes 7

i'm not saying that Samn'Dean weren't basically decent people, just that they lived in a dystopian world where morality was a moving target, and corruption was only a question of time. Gordon showed me the good hunter is not always the good guy and the good guy (air quotes) doesn't always win. just ask John.

cowboy movies tend to be about morally flawed individuals who are out for revenge or out to correct some injustice where injustice is the status quo. noir (to me) is the story of how that (metaphorical) cowboy turns into the kind of guy who can avenge and correct. not there to show you how he fucks people up, saves the wenches, drinks the saloon and rides into the sunset, but to show the audience what kind of dude can find a job like that and actually fucking marry it. so though SPN started out as a cowboy journey, the relationship btw the boys, the focus on the characters made it much noirish.

in SPN, Sam starts out as the ingenue, Jess's fiery death kickdropping him on his road toward revenge. in their world normal meant love, hope, a family born of affection and nurturing. ya know, not sacrifice, blood, sweat, tears and death. Dean? dude was set up as a foil, the jaded cynical soul who knew better than to expect well of a world that was a great black pit, and the vermin of the world inhabit it, and its morals aren't worth what a pig could spit. and yet, looking back, i could see that he too went on a journey and he also had plenty of innocence to lose.

for me, noir was the name of the game until s6, funnily enough when Sera Gamble became conscious of just how film noirish the show was and decided to bite off more than she could chew. reminds me of "Dorian Gray" who loses his inner beauty the second Basil (or Henry?) makes him conscious of how gorgeous he is. Jensen's views about Dean's characterization would apply here too, Dean is cool because he is, but if he tried to be, consciously, it would turn into the Borat-worthy cringe fest that was his acting scene during "The French Mistake."

like i've said before (find noir meta here), s6 had all of the trappings of noir (trappings found in other successful versions of noir) and sprinkled them throughout the season all the while not realizing that the hero of the season, the Bud White, Veronica, Sam Spade was not Sam or Dean, but Castiel. not realizing who was slowly losing his soul in order to save everyone else's (the Cain's mark of the central character in any noir endeavor) was Castiel made the season feel so jumbled, boring, faily and disconnected. i'm not saying there weren't amazing episodes this season, episodes that made me cry with what could have been...but this is the first season i've ever felt bored with SPN and i never thought that could ever happen.

why? because the action was in hell, in purgatory and in heaven. why? because the most interesting journey took place off-screen. why? because the hero got just one episode. what a missed opportunity s6, was. here's hoping for the next one.

in conclusion?

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swan_bite: Anna eating some cotton candy and looking smug about it (lol)
*bradley cooper. idk man. i feel like i shouldn't like him because the guy has that stupid fucking attractive dudebro face and this white boy frat guy swagger, but-- it's like i think he's secretly not so secretly a charming dork. =/ you know, like Dean? also, monsieur cooper speaks french. o.O

*sera gamble you might be as lovely as some of my flisters think you are and i'm not going to talk about your eyebrows because apparently that is hella-sexist, but to me you are the George W. Bush Jr. of show-runners. but yes, Britney Spears, she don't run the show by herself and maybe we should trust her.

* there's a petition out there where you can sign if you want Ben Edlund for showrunner. some people are incensed saying that's a step too far, that she's like a public school teacher and she has a tenure and she'd have to noncon a Jo with a Sam on a barstool (or a desk?) to get fired. if you think that, don't sign it. my way of thinking? she can be demoted. it's no biggy, right? *coughs*Misha*coughs*

*on that note, i'm seriously considering watching "Twilight" in the movie theater for the following reasons:

-rpattz made out with werewolf dude.
-bella's hairdo looks like it was inspired by Snookie. Snookie is my spirit animal. i swear.
-the werewolf dude cried and took his shirt off AT THE SAME TIME IN THE RAIN. simultaneous-like. (which i'm a little worried about because i think Sera's going to have Sam recreate that scene in a totally necessary and not at all gratuitous moment. and when i say worried i mean FAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAP.)
-the sex scene looks so fucking awkward and cringe-worthy, it's like the Borat of sex scenes.
-rpattz? made out with werewolf dude.

*jason isaacs, dan rad, emma and Co. describe their HP experience in one word. MY CRYES.

*jared padalecki is acting so fanfic'y in his twitter it's almost OOC.
swan_bite: Anna eating some cotton candy and looking smug about it (whip my hair back and forth)
i have to get used to this shit. so many of the posts there seem to be about askbox-people's flattering comments and the posters acting bashful, thankful, about how anonys and their friends think they are so awesome, amazingsauce, hawt, pretty, brilliant, so quirky and random and insightfuly cracky. which is fine every once in a while, but when 70% of the posts seem to be about that-- dear Gostiel. YES YOU ARE AWESOME, IF YOU WEREN'T I WOULDN'T FOLLOW YOU. GET IT, KNOW IT, STOP POSTING ABOUT IT.

reminds me of that character in Austen's Emma who was all, "Well, I've never thought my sandwiches were wonderful, but my friends always say my sandwiches are the very best in the world."

i'm so used to LJ, where people leave those in the comments section and i can and not a fuck was given on that day while i try to have crabbycakes conversations.


hand me my cane...i need to go tell these tumblr kids to get off my lawn dash.


x-posted (abbreviated less pleasant version) at tumblr.
swan_bite: Anna eating some cotton candy and looking smug about it (talk to the ring bitch i'm the pope)
i was reading somebody's profile page (somebody in my flist) and it got me thinking about what being a fan means and what being in Fandom means to me. this is not a manifesto or an argument about how shit just got real and if you don't agree then you're wrong. this here? is just my opinion. caveat lector and all that.

i think that a fan who stops squeeing isn't really a fan, i think they would even tell you, "i used to be a fan, but--" but once a Fan becomes a part of Fandom then they be married the squee reel can be paused every once in a while...because the very act of looking for fanfic or fanart can mean that for that Fandom-Fan canon isn't enough. canon doesn't fulfill every need, sexual, psychological, cultural, social. and that's a type of criticism. isn't it?

the way some people are, if they are not cis, or white, or heterosexual, or male, or simply if their taste for media bifurcates from the mainstream, then the mostly cis, heterocentric, white male (a world that often even fails those people since individuals are not stereotypes) world of media is not going to work for them and they have to create a media AU within that world that does and that's Fandom. (which is why the people who just come here to read and write pr0n and could not give less of a fuck about anything else sometimes get angry when their search for pr0n is thwarted by other people's search for fan-made material that isn't blatantly ableist, racist, sexist, transphobic or homophobic.)

so to me saying "i don't allow for critique" is kind of ...naive? unaware? because if you write fanfic, or read fanfic, or fanart, you are acknowledging there's a lack in canon. which may be why fandoms are built where there's potential for more, potential for gay representation and female representation and PoC representation. we see that potential and that inspires us to seek it and create it and queer it and twist it and kink it and genderfuck it for our own little AU worlds where judgment is less valued than acceptance, tolerance. where morality is characterized by understanding and suspension of censure and stuff.

or maybe we're just here for the pr0n and i'm the naive, unaware one.
swan_bite: Anna eating some cotton candy and looking smug about it (thumbs up chuck)
-rape psa:


-i'm kind of in fannish love with Sandy and i've only seen her act as the crossroads demon. it's weird what being in fandom does to you, where you end up liking/giving a shit about people whose work you barely know. i used to have these impossibly high standards about liking famous people, because i hated this society's fascination with all things famous, and now look at me. liking a girl because i've seen a few youtube clips and i've read fanfic about her. also, her face and her body make every argument completely invalid, but yes-- my sense of discernment has gone by the wayside.

-Cas & Dean

"HELLO, HUMANS. LOOK AT YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER. NOW BACK TO ME. NOW BACK TO HIM. NOW BACK TO ME.

"SADLY, HE IS NOT ME. BUT IF HE SWALLOWED BROKEN GLASS AND CHASED IT WITH WHISKEY, HE COULD SOUND LIKE HE'S ME.

"LOOK DOWN, BACK UP, WHERE ARE YOU? YOU'RE IN A DEN OF INIQUITY WITH THE ANGEL YOUR MAN COULD SOUND LIKE.

"WHAT'S IN YOUR HAND? BACK TO ME. I HAVE IT: IT'S A WINCHESTER. LOOK AGAIN: THE WINCHESTER IS NOW NAKED. ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE WHEN YOUR MAN SOUNDS LIKE CASTIEL AND NOT A LADY.

"I'M A BADASS MOTHERFUCKER."


:D:D:D:D:D fandom even makes that horrible finale palatable. i think the trick is to treat heart-break with crack. imagine Godstiel as a grandstanding megalomaniacal kinkbastard and for a sec you can almost forget that Castiel, devoted guardian angel in the worship and service of Dean Winchester, no longer exists. omg, i make myself cry again. poo.


- anybody else going to watch Cry Wolf and chat tomorrow? no? just me? meh.

* the little train is Castiel
swan_bite: Anna eating some cotton candy and looking smug about it (the fauxcastle)
♥ Abed is my boifrend, and i'll fight you for him. y'all can take Jeff. \o/

♥ tumblr. i'm still not convinced. idk, bbs, idk. lj has given me rants and fanart and fanfic and hearts that beat all craycray like mine. tumblr has given me nothing, yet. i mean, other than letterstoCas which makes me feel sad/cathartic? but nothing that has made me squee and say, wow, this tumblr thing makes me want to bow down and worship it or be destroyed. meh

♥ can anybody rec me some AU Misha/Jensen High School fics? yes, i'm a dork, the thought of twinky Jensen and awkward hippy Misha sends me into my Aw-place and makes me happy. :D:D:D:D:D

Home Again read it. you'll cry, but it will be a good cry. i promise you.

♥ i don't really love Lisa, but people who hate Lisa make me wanna love her, just to counteract the fact that TV likes to create 2-dimensional female characters that make girls feel like they can't identify with female characters. bbs, realize it's not the vagina that is cockfan-blocking you, but the fact that you can't identify with poorly constructed characters who are not only half-cooked but who make you feel like being a girly-girl is trivial, that being an assertive girl is bitchy, that being a tom-boy means you'll die alone, that your lack of penis makes you inadequate. so you think that Lisa was a slut, who put her boy in danger to smoosh on Dean, think about the fact that she was written that way --at least superficially-- so that Dean could play house.

cut for hot mess of the fanfic rantish kind, look away, bbs, look away )
swan_bite: Anna eating some cotton candy and looking smug about it (shave my summer)
* "bitch" and c*nt (use of star to avoid possible triggers) are positive words to me. which is why, while i agree with the sentiment (Jared shouldn't have to worry about getting sexually harassed at cons) calling the woman who did it a "bitch" does not fly with me. at all. stop calling women who do something you don't approve of skanks and bitches. seriously.

* i've been watching "Community" to get to my happy place and omg, it's the best thing to happen to me since i found out that if you pour nutela in your Coke, the world may sneer at you and call you a teenage boy, but your life will be that much better. i need to find me some icons.

* this is epic ftw. i watched the vid yesterday --wait, was it the day before?-- morning and it made me cry my eyes out + grin like a loon all day. seriously beautiful. it's actually not that surprising to me. i've been called slurs (of the sexual orientation kind) in NYC (home of awesome people and rapist cops). never in the South and i lived in the South for a while and have only visited NY for weeks at a time at various stages in my life (because as i said, home of awesome people). (also ran into some trouble in Paris, which o.O, but there you go. being in a metropolitan area is no guarantee that you're going to be treated like a human being.)

* today must be my unbirthday (THANK YOU SO MUCH [livejournal.com profile] cherie_morte AND [livejournal.com profile] glassyskies ♥ ♥ NO WORDS, SERIOUSLY, NO WORDS.) :D:D:D:D:D:D

cut for Cas-based cryes bc no1curr )
swan_bite: Anna eating some cotton candy and looking smug about it (pondering)
dear cas-cas,

i ain't gonna lie, our background has been a bit spotty, boy. i used to be all about the sam and dean and ONLY the sam and dean. i adored their co-dependency, and had come to grudgingly accept that everybody else was more or less disposable like toilet paper --if toilet paper could bleed, be disemboweled and/or decapitated (except bobby, chuck bless him). you get the point. so when you came along i'll admit i was fine about it, doubtful, but i wasn't -- you know? overjoyed? not in the very beginning. i was too pro-human back then.

i mean, angels. ANGELS. winged dudes who dispensed miracles in a somewhat capricious manner. the world was about to be bad-touched by the angels, hell-bent on the apocalypse. dickish angels galore, beings fierce and sociopathic who reminded me of Gordon Gekko. you, well, i started loving you because you were adorable, hella conflicted (Team Destiny v.s. Team Free Will) and didn't seem exactly neurotypical.

then you told dean you saved him from perdition and behaved like --er-- you know, like you behave? and i thought, "this is like a scientist dude who can be so brilliant and artistic that he can create a mathematical formula that explains the whole freakin' Cosmos, but who kind of dreads going to Post Office because interacting with the Post Master is OMG so overwhelming."

the lack of personal space, the looks and dramatic declarations, which you delivered like you were giving out facts and statistics, made me feel for you. it reminded me of this boy i had known in high school who followed one of my guy friends like a puppy with an intensity that made it clear he'd never had a best friend before. that boy went through a real harsh time after we graduated. lost himself in drugs, led a self-destructive lifestyle. i think he felt lonely.

the sob stories about deadbeat dads and being abandoned? struck a deep chord in me. i know about deadbeat dads too and i am also still looking for my family, among my friends, among my loved ones. i know i've found some people, i know there are more to be found. i know some of my family will find me.

people will disappoint you, friends will betray you, and sometimes, yes ***worst of all*** you'll be the one disappointing and betraying. right now you're going through a rough time, like the boy i talked about, like myself at one time. i know what it's like to lose people you love. to lose yourself even.

know there are many who love you, who know exactly who you are because they can see themselves in you. humans who are inspired by your work and your story. don't lose hope, don't give up on ever finding your family. you will, baby, you will. maybe you already have.

con mucho amor,
Filo

write yours.
swan_bite: Anna eating some cotton candy and looking smug about it (bunny)
in fiction, as in reality, what counts many times is not whether the two characters/people actually consummate their relationship either by words (you know, asexual romantic people) or by actions (sexy tiems!) but whether there is the great and on the edge potential for a romantic relationship.

if we claim we are all about “show, don’t tell” then Cas/Dean are certainly about that. i’m not saying that this is the only possible interpretation to the canon— I would never say that. yet, i resent the accusation that if i do see their relationship as romantic i am using my slash goggles. no, i am not. i am perfectly happy with seeing two men love each other without adding any sort of sexual element to the equation and some of the Dean/Cas stories i most adore are no more graphic than canon is (little touches & intense and/or loving looks). i do think there’s a romantic element to how Castiel thinks of Dean, even if sometimes i consider it one of the most gorgeous, tragic, unrequited love stories of all time. (not because Dean doesn’t return the love, but because he doesn’t recognize it for what it is.)

maybe it’s because i love epistolary love-stories (sometimes the characters have never seen each other when they’re already embroiled in a passionate love-affair; Griffin & Sabine, anyone?) and i ship Abelard and Heloise (Abelard was castrated, yikes! no sexing for them— also Francis/Claire? no sexing, loads of romance, though). for me, the sexual element is secondary to the great meeting of two souls that could be embodying any bodies at all. besides, in fiction, if it’s not ALL about the titillation and the hawtness and it’s a little bit about something else, then the sex is also a metaphor for “the profound bond.” just like “the profound bond” can then be a metaphor for sex.

***

reblogged as a reply to another meta post (by homoerotics) from my tumblr found here. (trust-you-less)

;D i can't promise i'll ever post anything of any sort of substance or whatevfuck, but if you have a tumbler i'd like to follow you. so, umm, tell me where it is, bbs? <3 ty!

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