swan_bite

♥ Abed is my boifrend, and i'll fight you for him. y'all can take Jeff. \o/

♥ tumblr. i'm still not convinced. idk, bbs, idk. lj has given me rants and fanart and fanfic and hearts that beat all craycray like mine. tumblr has given me nothing, yet. i mean, other than letterstoCas which makes me feel sad/cathartic? but nothing that has made me squee and say, wow, this tumblr thing makes me want to bow down and worship it or be destroyed. meh

♥ can anybody rec me some AU Misha/Jensen High School fics? yes, i'm a dork, the thought of twinky Jensen and awkward hippy Misha sends me into my Aw-place and makes me happy. :D:D:D:D:D

♥ Home Again read it. you'll cry, but it will be a good cry. i promise you.

♥ i don't really love Lisa, but people who hate Lisa make me wanna love her, just to counteract the fact that TV likes to create 2-dimensional female characters that make girls feel like they can't identify with female characters. bbs, realize it's not the vagina that is cockfan-blocking you, but the fact that you can't identify with poorly constructed characters who are not only half-cooked but who make you feel like being a girly-girl is trivial, that being an assertive girl is bitchy, that being a tom-boy means you'll die alone, that your lack of penis makes you inadequate. so you think that Lisa was a slut, who put her boy in danger to smoosh on Dean, think about the fact that she was written that way --at least superficially-- so that Dean could play house.

( cut for hot mess of the fanfic rantish kind, look away, bbs, look away )

dear cas-cas,

i ain't gonna lie, our background has been a bit spotty, boy. i used to be all about the sam and dean and ONLY the sam and dean. i adored their co-dependency, and had come to grudgingly accept that everybody else was more or less disposable like toilet paper --if toilet paper could bleed, be disemboweled and/or decapitated (except bobby, chuck bless him). you get the point. so when you came along i'll admit i was fine about it, doubtful, but i wasn't -- you know? overjoyed? not in the very beginning. i was too pro-human back then.

i mean, angels. ANGELS. winged dudes who dispensed miracles in a somewhat capricious manner. the world was about to be bad-touched by the angels, hell-bent on the apocalypse. dickish angels galore, beings fierce and sociopathic who reminded me of Gordon Gekko. you, well, i started loving you because you were adorable, hella conflicted (Team Destiny v.s. Team Free Will) and didn't seem exactly neurotypical.

then you told dean you saved him from perdition and behaved like --er-- you know, like you behave? and i thought, "this is like a scientist dude who can be so brilliant and artistic that he can create a mathematical formula that explains the whole freakin' Cosmos, but who kind of dreads going to Post Office because interacting with the Post Master is OMG so overwhelming."

the lack of personal space, the looks and dramatic declarations, which you delivered like you were giving out facts and statistics, made me feel for you. it reminded me of this boy i had known in high school who followed one of my guy friends like a puppy with an intensity that made it clear he'd never had a best friend before. that boy went through a real harsh time after we graduated. lost himself in drugs, led a self-destructive lifestyle. i think he felt lonely.

the sob stories about deadbeat dads and being abandoned? struck a deep chord in me. i know about deadbeat dads too and i am also still looking for my family, among my friends, among my loved ones. i know i've found some people, i know there are more to be found. i know some of my family will find me.

people will disappoint you, friends will betray you, and sometimes, yes ***worst of all*** you'll be the one disappointing and betraying. right now you're going through a rough time, like the boy i talked about, like myself at one time. i know what it's like to lose people you love. to lose yourself even.

know there are many who love you, who know exactly who you are because they can see themselves in you. humans who are inspired by your work and your story. don't lose hope, don't give up on ever finding your family. you will, baby, you will. maybe you already have.

con mucho amor,
Filo

write yours.