swan_bite: Anna eating some cotton candy and looking smug about it (done professionally)
from the very beginning i realized, along with the rest of y'all, that the philosophy of this show wasn't centered on redemption or victory or living in a world where evil could be overcome if you tried long and hard. that it wasn't about winning, but about going on, persevering? with someone you love and would die for and live for at your side.

at first i wasn't sure if this lovely pessimistic outlook was just bleed from Dean's bravado. a dystopian pov as fake and superficial as big bro's tough guy, idgaf macho persona, but soon enough the little Kripkean fatalistic streaks started to surface. i could recognize it because my grandmother was the same way. whenever things went well she'd be primly and patiently waiting for the Universe to right itself, sure that horrid shit was waiting in the bushes like crouching tiger, hidden dragon getting ready to jump and hit the fan.

found some ComicCon vids on youtube where Jensen talked about how the two brothers were like two cowboys (which made the fangirls go crazy and (SOME) fanboys yearn for a simpler time when "cowboy" wasn't synonymous with "gay"). going in i thought about how SPN's more like "A Fist Full of Dollars" than "Unforgiven." the type of cowboy film where the protag is the one the audience roots for because the other men around him are less badass and more assholistic than him. i, like Samn'Dean when they were looking at the speck of dust in the other one's eye, was critical of the Winchester's methods (even while i adored them, because unconditional love doesn't mean blind love in my part of the woods). shooting the shit, just waiting for the awkward moment when the difference between the good guys and the bad guys is the good guy's names are on the marquee.

a somewhat softer version of: There are no bad guys. There are no good guys. There are only better guys, and worse guys. -Blakes 7

i'm not saying that Samn'Dean weren't basically decent people, just that they lived in a dystopian world where morality was a moving target, and corruption was only a question of time. Gordon showed me the good hunter is not always the good guy and the good guy (air quotes) doesn't always win. just ask John.

cowboy movies tend to be about morally flawed individuals who are out for revenge or out to correct some injustice where injustice is the status quo. noir (to me) is the story of how that (metaphorical) cowboy turns into the kind of guy who can avenge and correct. not there to show you how he fucks people up, saves the wenches, drinks the saloon and rides into the sunset, but to show the audience what kind of dude can find a job like that and actually fucking marry it. so though SPN started out as a cowboy journey, the relationship btw the boys, the focus on the characters made it much noirish.

in SPN, Sam starts out as the ingenue, Jess's fiery death kickdropping him on his road toward revenge. in their world normal meant love, hope, a family born of affection and nurturing. ya know, not sacrifice, blood, sweat, tears and death. Dean? dude was set up as a foil, the jaded cynical soul who knew better than to expect well of a world that was a great black pit, and the vermin of the world inhabit it, and its morals aren't worth what a pig could spit. and yet, looking back, i could see that he too went on a journey and he also had plenty of innocence to lose.

for me, noir was the name of the game until s6, funnily enough when Sera Gamble became conscious of just how film noirish the show was and decided to bite off more than she could chew. reminds me of "Dorian Gray" who loses his inner beauty the second Basil (or Henry?) makes him conscious of how gorgeous he is. Jensen's views about Dean's characterization would apply here too, Dean is cool because he is, but if he tried to be, consciously, it would turn into the Borat-worthy cringe fest that was his acting scene during "The French Mistake."

like i've said before (find noir meta here), s6 had all of the trappings of noir (trappings found in other successful versions of noir) and sprinkled them throughout the season all the while not realizing that the hero of the season, the Bud White, Veronica, Sam Spade was not Sam or Dean, but Castiel. not realizing who was slowly losing his soul in order to save everyone else's (the Cain's mark of the central character in any noir endeavor) was Castiel made the season feel so jumbled, boring, faily and disconnected. i'm not saying there weren't amazing episodes this season, episodes that made me cry with what could have been...but this is the first season i've ever felt bored with SPN and i never thought that could ever happen.

why? because the action was in hell, in purgatory and in heaven. why? because the most interesting journey took place off-screen. why? because the hero got just one episode. what a missed opportunity s6, was. here's hoping for the next one.

in conclusion?

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swan_bite: Anna eating some cotton candy and looking smug about it (thumbs up chuck)
-rape psa:


-i'm kind of in fannish love with Sandy and i've only seen her act as the crossroads demon. it's weird what being in fandom does to you, where you end up liking/giving a shit about people whose work you barely know. i used to have these impossibly high standards about liking famous people, because i hated this society's fascination with all things famous, and now look at me. liking a girl because i've seen a few youtube clips and i've read fanfic about her. also, her face and her body make every argument completely invalid, but yes-- my sense of discernment has gone by the wayside.

-Cas & Dean

"HELLO, HUMANS. LOOK AT YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER. NOW BACK TO ME. NOW BACK TO HIM. NOW BACK TO ME.

"SADLY, HE IS NOT ME. BUT IF HE SWALLOWED BROKEN GLASS AND CHASED IT WITH WHISKEY, HE COULD SOUND LIKE HE'S ME.

"LOOK DOWN, BACK UP, WHERE ARE YOU? YOU'RE IN A DEN OF INIQUITY WITH THE ANGEL YOUR MAN COULD SOUND LIKE.

"WHAT'S IN YOUR HAND? BACK TO ME. I HAVE IT: IT'S A WINCHESTER. LOOK AGAIN: THE WINCHESTER IS NOW NAKED. ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE WHEN YOUR MAN SOUNDS LIKE CASTIEL AND NOT A LADY.

"I'M A BADASS MOTHERFUCKER."


:D:D:D:D:D fandom even makes that horrible finale palatable. i think the trick is to treat heart-break with crack. imagine Godstiel as a grandstanding megalomaniacal kinkbastard and for a sec you can almost forget that Castiel, devoted guardian angel in the worship and service of Dean Winchester, no longer exists. omg, i make myself cry again. poo.


- anybody else going to watch Cry Wolf and chat tomorrow? no? just me? meh.

* the little train is Castiel
swan_bite: Anna eating some cotton candy and looking smug about it (shave my summer)
* "bitch" and c*nt (use of star to avoid possible triggers) are positive words to me. which is why, while i agree with the sentiment (Jared shouldn't have to worry about getting sexually harassed at cons) calling the woman who did it a "bitch" does not fly with me. at all. stop calling women who do something you don't approve of skanks and bitches. seriously.

* i've been watching "Community" to get to my happy place and omg, it's the best thing to happen to me since i found out that if you pour nutela in your Coke, the world may sneer at you and call you a teenage boy, but your life will be that much better. i need to find me some icons.

* this is epic ftw. i watched the vid yesterday --wait, was it the day before?-- morning and it made me cry my eyes out + grin like a loon all day. seriously beautiful. it's actually not that surprising to me. i've been called slurs (of the sexual orientation kind) in NYC (home of awesome people and rapist cops). never in the South and i lived in the South for a while and have only visited NY for weeks at a time at various stages in my life (because as i said, home of awesome people). (also ran into some trouble in Paris, which o.O, but there you go. being in a metropolitan area is no guarantee that you're going to be treated like a human being.)

* today must be my unbirthday (THANK YOU SO MUCH [livejournal.com profile] cherie_morte AND [livejournal.com profile] glassyskies ♥ ♥ NO WORDS, SERIOUSLY, NO WORDS.) :D:D:D:D:D:D

cut for Cas-based cryes bc no1curr )
swan_bite: Anna eating some cotton candy and looking smug about it (pondering)
dear cas-cas,

i ain't gonna lie, our background has been a bit spotty, boy. i used to be all about the sam and dean and ONLY the sam and dean. i adored their co-dependency, and had come to grudgingly accept that everybody else was more or less disposable like toilet paper --if toilet paper could bleed, be disemboweled and/or decapitated (except bobby, chuck bless him). you get the point. so when you came along i'll admit i was fine about it, doubtful, but i wasn't -- you know? overjoyed? not in the very beginning. i was too pro-human back then.

i mean, angels. ANGELS. winged dudes who dispensed miracles in a somewhat capricious manner. the world was about to be bad-touched by the angels, hell-bent on the apocalypse. dickish angels galore, beings fierce and sociopathic who reminded me of Gordon Gekko. you, well, i started loving you because you were adorable, hella conflicted (Team Destiny v.s. Team Free Will) and didn't seem exactly neurotypical.

then you told dean you saved him from perdition and behaved like --er-- you know, like you behave? and i thought, "this is like a scientist dude who can be so brilliant and artistic that he can create a mathematical formula that explains the whole freakin' Cosmos, but who kind of dreads going to Post Office because interacting with the Post Master is OMG so overwhelming."

the lack of personal space, the looks and dramatic declarations, which you delivered like you were giving out facts and statistics, made me feel for you. it reminded me of this boy i had known in high school who followed one of my guy friends like a puppy with an intensity that made it clear he'd never had a best friend before. that boy went through a real harsh time after we graduated. lost himself in drugs, led a self-destructive lifestyle. i think he felt lonely.

the sob stories about deadbeat dads and being abandoned? struck a deep chord in me. i know about deadbeat dads too and i am also still looking for my family, among my friends, among my loved ones. i know i've found some people, i know there are more to be found. i know some of my family will find me.

people will disappoint you, friends will betray you, and sometimes, yes ***worst of all*** you'll be the one disappointing and betraying. right now you're going through a rough time, like the boy i talked about, like myself at one time. i know what it's like to lose people you love. to lose yourself even.

know there are many who love you, who know exactly who you are because they can see themselves in you. humans who are inspired by your work and your story. don't lose hope, don't give up on ever finding your family. you will, baby, you will. maybe you already have.

con mucho amor,
Filo

write yours.
swan_bite: Anna eating some cotton candy and looking smug about it (bunny)
in fiction, as in reality, what counts many times is not whether the two characters/people actually consummate their relationship either by words (you know, asexual romantic people) or by actions (sexy tiems!) but whether there is the great and on the edge potential for a romantic relationship.

if we claim we are all about “show, don’t tell” then Cas/Dean are certainly about that. i’m not saying that this is the only possible interpretation to the canon— I would never say that. yet, i resent the accusation that if i do see their relationship as romantic i am using my slash goggles. no, i am not. i am perfectly happy with seeing two men love each other without adding any sort of sexual element to the equation and some of the Dean/Cas stories i most adore are no more graphic than canon is (little touches & intense and/or loving looks). i do think there’s a romantic element to how Castiel thinks of Dean, even if sometimes i consider it one of the most gorgeous, tragic, unrequited love stories of all time. (not because Dean doesn’t return the love, but because he doesn’t recognize it for what it is.)

maybe it’s because i love epistolary love-stories (sometimes the characters have never seen each other when they’re already embroiled in a passionate love-affair; Griffin & Sabine, anyone?) and i ship Abelard and Heloise (Abelard was castrated, yikes! no sexing for them— also Francis/Claire? no sexing, loads of romance, though). for me, the sexual element is secondary to the great meeting of two souls that could be embodying any bodies at all. besides, in fiction, if it’s not ALL about the titillation and the hawtness and it’s a little bit about something else, then the sex is also a metaphor for “the profound bond.” just like “the profound bond” can then be a metaphor for sex.

***

reblogged as a reply to another meta post (by homoerotics) from my tumblr found here. (trust-you-less)

;D i can't promise i'll ever post anything of any sort of substance or whatevfuck, but if you have a tumbler i'd like to follow you. so, umm, tell me where it is, bbs? <3 ty!
swan_bite: Anna eating some cotton candy and looking smug about it (OH YEAH)
/o\ i wish that different people would audio the same fic. i get seriously turned off by certain voices. was listening to an audiofic for ~poisontaster and had to delete it, and it really sounded like the kind of fic i like-- but i just couldn't get into the voice/voice acting. am i the only nut who can't hear an audiofic if the voice doesn't personally jive? surely not. maybe this the sort of issue only really rude people mention and i'm being really rude without realizing. oh well. i wish audiofic'ers were less territorial/possessive about the fics they narrated, and there could be multiple recordings of fics. surely readers understand that they are not going to appeal to everyone.

/o\ was reading a fic and it started out marvelously. blind!psychic!Sam and Dean who doesn't know him, but needs him to find his father. loved the idea that there is more than one predetermined future ahead of us and that those who can see ahead (in fiction, because i don't believe in Ms Cleo-- YMMV) see more than one possible outcome. then at about chapter 4, gratuitous sexin' with no ratcheting up of tension, no building on connection, just abrupt let's get it on. had to quit reading after that because i was no longer interested. so annoying whenever authors plop down a sex scene (like shit from the sky, a smelly gift from the birds as it were) abruptly like that it feels like telling-intimacy instead of showing-intimacy.

\o/ read "The Wet Nurse's Tale" and thought the story was enjoyable. i seem to like loose women more than i do self-righteous prudes, even if one can claim moral superiority over the other one or whatever. probably my tendency to side with the sinner and side-eye the judge. which totally leads to why

\o/ people need to get off Cas's balls. seriously. Keep Calm and Get off his balls. (unless your name is Dean and you're trying to balance yourself on them. if that's true, then save a halo, ride an angel. you go, boy.)

\o/ i've come to the conclusion that it's not that i love Cas girls (after all, i am a Sam girl who mostly reads S/D) but that tend to hang with fangirls who

- have some sense of perspective
- don't hate all the female characters on the show
- don't confuse "Lisa is 2-dimensional" with "Lisa is a hor, i hope she dies" (creepy hypocrites)
- don't make every argument from the pov of character bashing/character stanning
- know how to share screen time
- appreciate the immortal trolly genius of Ben Edlund
- understand the difference between loving a character and excusing/justifying every action a character makes at the expense of every other character
- don't think of Cas as a BOYFREND stealer, interloper, usurper

i think it's because i had spent hours (marathoned the seasons like they were coke and i was Tony Montana) not years with the Winchesters before boy-angel came along. for me it was a welcome addition, for others it might have broken the tension of WE LIVE ONLY FOR EACH OTHER, WITH EACH OTHER, BY EACH OTHER. the claustrophobia of that relationship might have been something the Wincesters cherished. for me it was like, beautiful, blue-eyed, odd, socially awkward, Aspergers angel with wings? sign me right up. *shrugs*

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