swan_bite: Anna eating some cotton candy and looking smug about it (suck my)
first of all various forms of Sassy:

1.I'd marry your cat just to get in the family by [livejournal.com profile] wanttobeatree (so effin' funny, classic)
2.A HELICOPTER! (there's a reason why the title is in CAPS) by [livejournal.com profile] wanttobeatree
3.The Good Part About Hitting on Dean Winchester's Brother Is You Know He's Heard Worse Lines by [livejournal.com profile] probing_grays
4.Episodes Commenting @ Sassy OTP
5.When I forget by [livejournal.com profile] glassyskies
on this half-filled canvas of a boy this fic one of the most beautiful searing portraits of Castiel i've ever read and really jives with what i think of him. i think he's bit of an accident to his canon creators, half-formed in canon, fully realized through fandom and made all the better for it.


Thinky thoughts on "Meet the New Boss" aka the Office meets A Clockwork Orange


i've decided that I'm not going to spoil myself at all this year. i don't seem to have other fans' relationship with the show, where it's like SPN is their child and they are unable to think anything negative about it and any slight criticism hits them on their primal spot and all they can think of is to protect it, defend it, and eliminate all signs of hateration. which cool, but that's not me. my relationship is a little more like SPN is that significant other that has soooooo much potential, but fails about as many times at it succeeds, but when it succeeds it does so much that it kinda really compensates for the constant failures.

so rumors about it sucking in various ways? not gonna help maintain this relationship. i'll see what i'll see and if it's bad? then i'll deal and if it's not, angsting about it before that ain't gonna help.

also, i miss [livejournal.com profile] squishyball like cray-cray. i knew that i'd miss her if she ever decide her this was enough, but it was such a weird experience watching an episode without her, not in the chats and in twitter...though [livejournal.com profile] angel_kink made it an enjoyable experience, thank goodness. without her comments and squeeing i would have felt too lonesome, because nobody i know IRL follows SPN as much as i do.

i think i have to watch it again because the more i think about it the more i'm seeming to fixate on how spoilerspoilerspoiler )
swan_bite: Anna eating some cotton candy and looking smug about it (shave my summer)
* "bitch" and c*nt (use of star to avoid possible triggers) are positive words to me. which is why, while i agree with the sentiment (Jared shouldn't have to worry about getting sexually harassed at cons) calling the woman who did it a "bitch" does not fly with me. at all. stop calling women who do something you don't approve of skanks and bitches. seriously.

* i've been watching "Community" to get to my happy place and omg, it's the best thing to happen to me since i found out that if you pour nutela in your Coke, the world may sneer at you and call you a teenage boy, but your life will be that much better. i need to find me some icons.

* this is epic ftw. i watched the vid yesterday --wait, was it the day before?-- morning and it made me cry my eyes out + grin like a loon all day. seriously beautiful. it's actually not that surprising to me. i've been called slurs (of the sexual orientation kind) in NYC (home of awesome people and rapist cops). never in the South and i lived in the South for a while and have only visited NY for weeks at a time at various stages in my life (because as i said, home of awesome people). (also ran into some trouble in Paris, which o.O, but there you go. being in a metropolitan area is no guarantee that you're going to be treated like a human being.)

* today must be my unbirthday (THANK YOU SO MUCH [livejournal.com profile] cherie_morte AND [livejournal.com profile] glassyskies ♥ ♥ NO WORDS, SERIOUSLY, NO WORDS.) :D:D:D:D:D:D

cut for Cas-based cryes bc no1curr )
swan_bite: Anna eating some cotton candy and looking smug about it (pondering)
dear cas-cas,

i ain't gonna lie, our background has been a bit spotty, boy. i used to be all about the sam and dean and ONLY the sam and dean. i adored their co-dependency, and had come to grudgingly accept that everybody else was more or less disposable like toilet paper --if toilet paper could bleed, be disemboweled and/or decapitated (except bobby, chuck bless him). you get the point. so when you came along i'll admit i was fine about it, doubtful, but i wasn't -- you know? overjoyed? not in the very beginning. i was too pro-human back then.

i mean, angels. ANGELS. winged dudes who dispensed miracles in a somewhat capricious manner. the world was about to be bad-touched by the angels, hell-bent on the apocalypse. dickish angels galore, beings fierce and sociopathic who reminded me of Gordon Gekko. you, well, i started loving you because you were adorable, hella conflicted (Team Destiny v.s. Team Free Will) and didn't seem exactly neurotypical.

then you told dean you saved him from perdition and behaved like --er-- you know, like you behave? and i thought, "this is like a scientist dude who can be so brilliant and artistic that he can create a mathematical formula that explains the whole freakin' Cosmos, but who kind of dreads going to Post Office because interacting with the Post Master is OMG so overwhelming."

the lack of personal space, the looks and dramatic declarations, which you delivered like you were giving out facts and statistics, made me feel for you. it reminded me of this boy i had known in high school who followed one of my guy friends like a puppy with an intensity that made it clear he'd never had a best friend before. that boy went through a real harsh time after we graduated. lost himself in drugs, led a self-destructive lifestyle. i think he felt lonely.

the sob stories about deadbeat dads and being abandoned? struck a deep chord in me. i know about deadbeat dads too and i am also still looking for my family, among my friends, among my loved ones. i know i've found some people, i know there are more to be found. i know some of my family will find me.

people will disappoint you, friends will betray you, and sometimes, yes ***worst of all*** you'll be the one disappointing and betraying. right now you're going through a rough time, like the boy i talked about, like myself at one time. i know what it's like to lose people you love. to lose yourself even.

know there are many who love you, who know exactly who you are because they can see themselves in you. humans who are inspired by your work and your story. don't lose hope, don't give up on ever finding your family. you will, baby, you will. maybe you already have.

con mucho amor,
Filo

write yours.

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swan_bite: Anna eating some cotton candy and looking smug about it (Default)
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July 2015

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