swan_bite

this weekend i finally read Like Luggage of Some Departed Traveller by the inimitable britomart_is. she has some fics that are so amazingsauce (seriously, click those links, you won't be sorry) and epic and everything i look for in writing, and i never feel like i'm compromising in order to read about "the boys" and Aspergery boy angel (i really hate compromising). it was funny, because i'd just finished reading "The Forest of Hands and Teeth," a story about the "Unconsecrated" and here i was starting a fic about "Croats." if the Zombie apocalypse ever comes, i'll be super prepared. i really enjoyed the fic, but i kinda wished we'd have a bit more croat intervention. you know what i mean? i understand that the most important aspect of the fic was the relationship between the characters (dear god, she writes a great Jess, her Dean is completely irresistible and Sam is gorgeous, inside out, even when you want to slap him with a brick) but i kinda missed the threat of Croat every once in a while; that delicious doomy feeling on the pit of my stomach which comes like a bad augur while i read zombie books or watch zombie movies simply wasn't there. she did deal with the OT3 flawlessly, and i --as y'all can see-- am rly rly picky. usually, my experience with OT3 fics is that someone gets just a little bit left out, everybody is so sophisticated and cool about everything that there's no conflict and the sex is so graphic it's soulless. not here. Brit is smarty pants enough to share the spotlight, to write these relationships in such an incredibly charming way, so enjoyable that they all feel vital, all feel necessary, and the sex is scorching and graphic, but never soulless. just hawt like fire. plus, jealousy plays a part in it, which is awesome. i hatehatehate perfect lovers and perfect relationships.




i also watched "Downton Abbey" which is sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo good. i'm not kidding guys. this is not the type of period show you watch because you've been told it's so educational and instructive and whatever pretentious blah blah-- this show is just entertaining and fun, and critically acclaimed (and great despite of that ;D).

the result of this mismatch (and Friday's premiere) was that last night i had these recurring dreams of Castiel as a Lord Castiel of Herdhamdonfordfordshire and Dean and Sam as Footman and Chauffeur respectively. i don't rly remember what happened, i just know that now i want to read SPN/DA x-over and that's not happening any time soon.

i did have a dream right before i woke up, which ended quite depressingly on the much written scene where Sam goes off to college, except i mixed it up with that "Thank you for curing me of my incurable obsession with love" scene in "Moulin Rouge." in my dream, Dean walks after Sam as he storm out ("If you go, stay gone.") and hands him an envelope. Sam looks at Dean, surprisedgratefulregretfulface on, he's about to say thank you or no i can't take this, and Dean replies with something to the effect that Sam "earned it" anyway, a wink and a roll of the hips to twist the knife. i woke up feeling tragic. lol

i've seen some debates going around (TUMBLR sneer + ugh!) about who was at fault here, like Dean had to forgive Sam for walking out on the family or Dean was being totally unreasonable about Sam leaving for college. reading "The Forest of Hands and Teeth" (where something similar happens) i finally understood that Sam leaving was heartbreaking for both of them. i mean, i kind of knew, but TFoHaT really made me totally feel the heartbreak.



i don't want to give too much away, because unwanted spoilers suck, but i think this is so SPN (and maybe just what seems to happen to Dean over and over again) that i wanna share it. xP


"I think that even then I knew I wouldn't be enough for you,...It's no longer about the ocean. It's about you and what you want and need. Maybe you'll be happy with me for a few years..."

He pauses and I can see tears flooding his eyes again. "I can't be your second choice dream."

"Would you give up the ocean for me?"

I hesitate, place a hand on the doorjam. I had once hoped, as it did for my mother, love would keep all other dreams at bay. The realization that it will not washes over me and I walk through the door, leaving him without an answer.