i reach out from the inside

[swan_bite]

* RIP you gorgeous dog. i'm trying not to think about this too much, i can't really process animals dying.

* what i look for in fanfic in general terms. these are generalizations, because --as we all know-- a good writers can seduce us into making plenty of exceptions despite or worst or better judgment.

* in poetic terms what i look for in fanfic:
Sonnet XVII by Neruda

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way

than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.



emotional exhibitionism, the need to Hollywood it up and seek public validation, or validation from certain people, the belief that your love ain't enough until you go to a dinner and have people clap as you tilt and kiss? squicks me quite as much as the squickiest thing you can think of. like a chan scat watersports noncon OOC fic. because it's reality tv masquerading as fanfic. my favorite fanfic authors do not take their inspirations from the Jersey shore or the Kardashians.

* i thought fleshflutter was coming back. it's taking longer than i expected and i'm not enjoying the wait. i also miss squishyball. *HOLDS UP A BOOMBOX* *IN YOUR EYES THE LIGHT THE HEAT IN YOUR EYES I AM COMPLETE*

* i totally missed the trenchcoat! how could i miss it? well, i had less than an optimal experience watching the show yesterday. i rudely invited myself to an SPN chatroom with angel_kink while she was less than inclined to discuss a show she's currently boycotting with me, for obvious fucking reasons, and proceeded to ignore me while talking about Carnivale, which she warned me was "slow but brilliant." i then left having realized the error of my ways, and it kind of shaped my opinion of the episode, which has been somewhat redeemed in my eyes with that day-after perspective one gets after the pounding headache of the hangover has abated. the pretty wincesty gifs in tumblr didn't hurt. who knew that tumblr was going to turn into my source of canon-squee. it's still no more than passable, but it's not poo (as i told drunkcascookies yesterday).

Comments

[glassyskies.livejournal.com]

I like that. I'm far more careful with I love you in fiction than I am in RL. I said "I love you!" accidentally, two weeks into my first and only relationship. I just cannot keep my mouth shut.

Also, Odysseus <3 <3 <3 Anything that relates Supernatural to the great Greek classics and myths instantly wins a huge place in my heart, so your thoughts are very apt and beautiful.

[swan-bite.livejournal.com]

idk. i think the word "love" means such different things in different contexts. like in fandom it means "you make me feel flaily and fannish and enthusiastic over all the things i feel flaily and fannish and enthusiastic about." like fanartists and fanwriters and other fans feed the fire of your hobby so you love them, specially when there's an affinity to love in the way you love, or in the way you admire other's loving. like, i can't unreservedly squee, but i can admire others unreservedly squeeing because that's an ability i'll never have (again), but wish i did. there's a purity in seeing beauty in everything and seeing good intentions, rather than criticizing and distrusting. it's all about perception, so why the hell not?

but offline love's more about loss and the potential that the love will be used as a weapon or -- idk. have you read the Good Earth? when these parents are cooing over their baby boy and suddenly they look around and are all like, "er, the baby is a girl child!" so that the gods don't become jealous of the baby boy's beauty and health and strength and try to sap it? which is sad, because being a girl child shouldn't have to mean yr worthless and nobody could ever be jealous of you, but you know what i mean. so my love is a girl child, shoo jealous fucking gods, go get yr own goddamned love and leave mine alone.

but yr brave and open and i'm closed and cynical, so it fits that the words would just escape before you could even consider reining them in. ;D