Let's Pretend the War is Over [Harry/Draco] written by pir8fancier & read by raitala
Author's Dedication: To Draco Malfoy, who, despite being batshit insane, noticed that I needed to say good-bye to my father.
Jensen Inside [Jared/Jensen, R, ALL THE PRETTY WORDS] by glassyskies
Summary: Having it Out with Melancholy
♥ i guess it's kind of funny/odd/o.O that i'd read and love these fics considering that one of my fandom nonos are fics where the characters psychoanalyze each other or talk to each other with mainstream psychology 101 terms. a lot of it has to do with the fact that i don't think dementia can be cured by following a set of predetermined steps, because a process depends on more than following instructions. i also don't like to feel like the diagnosis determines the characters more than the personality of the character determines the character. with a lot of fics that deal with mental illness it often feels like the titillation of dealing with the illness takes precedent over the search for understanding the people who suffer from it-- and idek. i just don't like that. this was not the case with these fics, though, and that's why i love them. they make me wanna read Virginia Woolf's 'Mrs. Dalloway' and her posthumously published letters, which i think is a good sign. o.O
♥ i decided to try the "Let's Pretend The War is Over" audiofic because i'd listened to raitala before and she has a simple voice that is inconspicuous enough not to get in the way of whatever story she's telling. i'd rather listen to an understated reading than overacting, which takes me out of the story faster than you can say William Shatner (i love you, Will!).
♥ it was cool to hear this fic first and then read "Jensen Inside" because --wow-- Draco and Jensen could not be different-er ;D. sure they both suffer from dementia, but one mental state is not like another, and people ain't either. yet there was a certain gorgeous frailty to both of them that spoke to me. it felt like sharing that fic-world was like being dropped inside a snow globe, except that the crystal was so delicate that one brush of the fingertips against the surface of the glass would be enough to crack it.
♥ in "Let's Pretend" Draco has these rules he has to follow in order to stay right on the edge of his (in)sanity and not fall over into the abyss. the issue here is that since he can't really trust himself (his moments of lucidity allow him to realize that he's not all there, there) many of his hallucinations are --in fact-- not hallucinations at all. in Draco's case, he has lost his family, friends, his social standing. the world has forsaken him, become the enemy, and so gradually the loss becomes a palpable thing for him. the world a monster called "The Outside" ready to contaminate him with its nothingness.
♥ in Jensen's case, the dementia comes because of-- nothing at all, apparently. it's like Joker's line in "The Dark Knight" Madness, as you know, is a lot like gravity, all it takes is a little push. Jensen's madness is like this latent seed that pulses inside and is at any moment ready to grow out like creeping ivy. there are rules here also, i guess, but they are much less concrete, much more complex and intricate. Draco is much more adversarial than Jensen is, and so he creates these insanity gods which he simultaneously obeys and plots against. with Jensen it's an insidious silent painful thing that can't be pointed to, obliterated, personified in any way. like the Tao of insanity or something.
“Once upon a time, I, Chuang Chou, dreamt I was a
butterflycockroach, flutteringcreeping hither and thither, to all intents and purposes a butterflyinsect. I was conscious only of my happinessmelancholia as a butterflycockroach, unaware that I was Chou. Soon I awakened, and there I was, veritably myself again. Now I do not know whether I was then a man dreaming I was a butterflycockroach, or whether I am now a butterflycockroach, dreaming I am a man. Between a man and a butterflycockroach there is necessarily a distinction. The transition is called the transformation of material things.”
― Zhuangzi (Kafkad by me xP)
♥ in both fics there was a learning curve that their partners had to go through in order to -- dare I say-- help? with Jared it was anger and denial at first. incomprehension and guilt. with Harry it was his natural impetuousness, his blundering desire to fix and save. they learned a lot, though, from the love, from the pain and the heartache. there's a Francesca Lia Block passage that talks about how pain can make you see more or it can blind you, depends on what you do with it. both of these fics show that even when it tries to blind you, there's always second sight.
yeah, okay, so i like hope. suck it. ;D
( quotes )
i'm using faithwood's lovely little table for ALL THE RECS, because of reasons (convenient ones). thanx, ~faith.
Humbug [Harry/Draco, NC-17, 30K] by anon @ hd_holidays
Summary:Draco has been taking his casual relationship with Harry for granted. Visits from four key ghosts the night before Christmas just might shake up his priorities in life.
this is the kind of fic that you never knew you wanted, but as you're reading it you ask yourself "HOW DID I LIVE IN FANDOM WITHOUT EVER READING A FIC LIKE THIS?" "A Christmas Carol" reinvented, with an awesome/douchey Brian Kinney-like!Draco finding out that having a lovely, beautiful person in his life who adores him is more important than having all the Galleons in the world. specially when he already has all the Galleons in the world, and what he's lacking's a consistent amount of awesome nekkid lovely boy. also? Snape is the best Sassy Het Friend ever. even if he really has to look at himself and his hair choices.
Defused [Dean/Castiel, PG-13, 3K] by angel_kink
Summary:Dean is determined to defuse Castiel while simultaneously dealing with the repercussions of Sam’s wall breaking.
overall, really enjoyable. the writing style wasn't always my cuppa because 1) i'm a picky mcpicker 2) i never go for: They were tears of fear, sadness, and pain all at the same time. i don't want to be told that the tears are of fear, sadness and pain. i want to decide those things for myself, i want to feel that they are of fear, sadness, whatever, without being told they are. however, this is fic was a detailed, awesome blueprint of exactly what i wished had happened in canon, specially on the Castiel front. so! all in all, i pronounce it cool.
The Jared Padalecki Untitled Project [JP/JA, NC-17, Long-fic] by sometimesophie
Summary: After Supernatural, Jensen and Jared aren't talking. But a film's a film and Jensen could really use the money.
* in the immortal words of my little niece while we were watching Sense and Sensibility last night, "OMG WHY DON'T THEY JUST TALK?"
* i was gonna compare this fic to Pride and Prejudice, but then I realized it was more like "Persuasion"-- JA's last novel.
* don't believe me? believe wiki: More than seven years prior to the events in the novel, Anne Elliot falls in love with a handsome young naval officer named Frederick Wentworth, who is intelligent and ambitious, but poor. Sir Walter, Anne's father and lord of the family estate of Kellynch, and her older sister Elizabeth are dissatisfied with her choice, maintaining that he is not distinguished enough for their family. Her older friend and mentor, Lady Russell, acting in place of Anne's deceased mother, persuades her to break off the match.
Now, aged 27 and still unmarried, Anne re-encounters her former fiancé when his sister and brother-in-law, the Crofts, take out a lease on Kellynch. Wentworth, now a captain, is wealthy from wartime victories in the Royal Navy and from prize-money for capturing enemy ships. However, he has not forgiven Anne for her rejection of him.
The self-interested machinations of Anne's father, her older sister Elizabeth, Elizabeth's friend Mrs. Clay, and William Elliot (Anne's cousin and her father's heir) constitute important subplots.
* told ya.
* also, in Austenian fashion, money is an issue. because, well, money IS an issue.
* i love second chances, and i love this fic, for all it is and all it chooses to be.
* i do think that we could have seen a bit more of why J was so willing to give J a chance, because, dear Lord-- on reread it's hard to figure out J's motivation *vague vague vague 'cause spoilers* outside of wanting to apply for sainthood.
Cause You've got an Awefully Long Way to Go [Puck/Kurt, PG-13, 10K] by paperclipbitch
Summary:“Let me get this straight,” Kurt begins, resisting the urge to laugh, “you knocked up Finn’s girlfriend and you want to apologise to him by trying to make him gay?”
this fic is funny and sexy and adorable, and i love love love it when douchey teenage boys turn a new leaf. because that's what being a teenager is all about, first being a douche and then turning into a human being once you learn to see other people as human beings, too. :D
* i've been using a DW to private post my favorite fics because SPN has made me afraid as fuck of losing all the fics i hold close to my heart because some brilliantly talented author no longer feels any joy in this fandom and doesn't want (totally justifiable, because it's every author's right) to post their fics online. what do you guys do to save your favorite fics?
*pls to not be talking to me about the latest episode, because i haven't watched it-- I'm scared to. I feel so hopeless ever since Castiel went the way of Virginia Wolf and I haven't been able to feel the same joy and excitement I used to feel when I watched the show, and I'm just really apprehensive. though I'm actually kind of weird since sometimes tragedy makes me go in the other direction-- like "Glory" with Den Washington: that kind of tragedy lifts me up into the stratosphere. I'm not sure though, that SPN can deliver that amount of beautiful catharsis.
* want a card or a card and a book? made by little old me? go here! xP some awesomesauce bitches have already signed up. don't miss out on my cracktastic fanart cards and flawless taste in gay books! ;DDDDD
FanReading List for the Holidays.
i encourage y'all to do this, create your own reading lists of fics and comment, because comments are ♥ and
( Read more... )
* the solution i think is to pretend the episode didn't happen, and that some clever fangirls cleverly maniped some clever wedding au, some professor Jensen AU and some gorgeously bearded professor Crowley. also, exhibit Sam-tied-down-to-a-bed for the kinkmeme. :D
*you know, i wish the fangirl and the nerdy-girl were as rehabilitated in the mainstream as the fanboy and the nerd-boy seem to be. sure, flake and quirky girl are all around, right? (Meg, Zoe, Sandra, ReneeZell, Luna, Amelie) but the nerdy girl is sad 'n lonely, unless she revamps herself. and the fangirl? well, she's a pathetic creature whose libido makes her lust for guys who would NEVER give her the time of day, getting above herself in the hierarchy of sexay hawtness and clearly this is a source of pity, derision and fuckloads of secondhand embarrassment. after all we all know that Becky might have a great personality, but she would only snag a guy like Sam if she pumped him full of love-juice.
* i'm not sure the writers are aware of what they're writing. no, not because they made fun of fangirls (grudgewank this ain't) but because making fun of fangirls is like the joke that's been done so many times you sneer at it unless you're trying your damnedest to be polite. only then can you manage a half-hearted chuckle. perhaps the writers think they're being clever and but. idk. i don't understand why they go for stereotypes and mainstream fuckery when they could go for originality and pushing-the-envelopeism, wtf have they got to lose? it's not like SPN is uber popular, they could pretty much get away with everything. so why go with the sameold sameold. i don't get it.
*in my head-fic, the wedding scene? turns into wincest or Destiel fanfic, because that scene is a scene in Becky's head and then Becky's blog. (also, because not even in Vegas can dead guys marry.) in reality, Becky decides to become a hunter. she tries to figure out the good luck/bad girl situation, because she's flawless, epic, smarty-pants but she's also a newb and she figures this might be a manageable job. once she realizes she's a bit in over head she contacts D. the brothers are in the neighborhood as part of their annual Vegas trip and they join up to shank the Crossroads Demon, to make the awesomeballs team that ever awesomed. surprise!Crowley swaggers in, insults Becky like a boss, Becky insults him back (I'm sure your dick has a great personality, three more inches should make four, because girls with great personalities know how to count) and swaggers out. like a boss. The End.
*updated profile recs with spn, social network rps, strek, and bandom.