swan_bite | Hello, Cruel World. -_- I am Ben Edlund's broken heart.

first of all stuff i liked about the episode:
\o/
1. Padaleck's acting. i thought he rocked it hard in this episode.
2. "We'll be back...for you." that even Leviathan!Cas seemed to be attached to Dean.
3. "You're my little bitch, in every sense of the term." Marksha was absolutely beautiful in this. his acting was flawless, but it felt like they were using him as a replacement, which was bittersweet. also, Dean will never call Sam a bitch again without me thinking of this scene. "You can't torture someone who has nothing to lose," was also clever. this episode has really given me a hankering to read Hangman is coming down from the gallows by

withdiamonds again.
4. Mills. i'm glad Mills went through SPN and lived to tell the tale and be snarky on top of it. also, “He might not know your appendix from your vagina” is going on my family crest.
5. Eating the swim team. made me happy Levs wasn't eating the cheerleading team or something. idk. i just enjoyed the way they sexualized the boys, gave them cleavage, put them in the locker-room and then slaughtered them. it was kinda feminist of Edlund, to use the clasic trope and then bend it like that.

/o\
i'm full of teh weirdness about this episode. i expected to feel more, but i guess after freaking out about Leviathan!Cas dripping life-force all over the floor and dropping that black hole of goo this just got weird for me. ikr? i was criticizing Dean for being such a drunk and hentai-watching loser last week, and this week I am Dean's sense of apathy. i guess it's a defense mechanism, but even while looking at Bobby's burnt corpse of a house, i could not give a fuck and cool story, bro'd it. i thought seeing their haven burnt to a crisp would be SPN's Hogwart's exploding or something, but no. more like, "Oh, look, Bobby is probably dead. Or not. I don't know. I don't know if I care to find out."

i can't believe this was a Ben Edlund episode, but maybe when they told him they were going to get rid of Cas, he was all, "I'll do it." because you don't rly want anybody to shoot your dog and if you're the one who has to do it you have to stop giving a shit about life. that was my perception, like it was all emotionally disconnected, a series of events that happened one after another without emotional reverberations. for example, Bobby dropping some witty line about Obama-care before going off to rescue Mills? (dude, get some sense of urgency or quip as you run) made me feel like this episode was a cruel, jaded satire of itself. Ben are you depressed and trying to share the suicidal existentialism? wtf.

i think it was a rly different experience for everyone. i'm sure i would have loved it, maybe, if i didn't care about Castiel this much. i could have been super happy with the gorgeous scenes between the brothers (which WERE gorgeous) specially the scene where Dean asks Sam to believe in him while Sam reverts to a scared 3 yr old-- but by that time I'd checked out. the folding of the Trench coat had already broken me.

i guess this is the type of epi that will take it's proper place for me only once i see the whole season.

& the ugly:

okay, not so much ugly as strangely compelling and sassy, but you get my drift.

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I love your episode reactions sfm.

I had kind of a weird reaction. I watched it, loved it aaaaall (especially Lucifer. Oh god, how so fabulous.) The brotherly moments made me ache and ache and feel so good about those boys. Their relationship remains such a beautiful thing.

And then... well, I sat around for a while afterwards and burst into floods and floods of tears. Because Castiel. And yeah, I loved the show before Cas and still love it but... that's a member of the family down. And he deserved so much more. He at least deserved some... hope. (As you know, I'm totally useless at unhappy endings. Hopeful, please, at least!)

What I'm trying to say is, I get you. It left me feeling very very odd in a way TV never really has before. I might just need to write my way to some perspective here, or else sit and weep for a while longer.

i'm glad you loved it. i'm the type who doesn't love the show sometimes, but gets too depressed if other people whose opinion i care about start disliking it too, because as you said "give me some hope". as long as you love spn i'll still love it at least a bit because you'll keep on writing stuff that compels me to. so if that's your reaction, to write your way out of this, then something good came out of the epi.

I think I have become a more... critical watcher in regards to SPN lately. I was shitting bricks about this episode... I almost put off watching it, which I so rarely do if I have the free time to watch straight away. I think I was expecting something WORSE, so what we got was pretty acceptable. Like, I thought I'd be sobbing through the whole thing and want to smash my computer or something.

Instead, I got delayed emotional response. But I still love my boys, I still want to know how their story plays out. I don't think I was expecting how shot through the throat I feel about Cas, though. Worse than when Ellen and Jo died, which is probably the most I've ever cried over TV/movies. It's weird how attached one gets to fictional creatures. Reminds me of why I write and all that.

I'm blathering. Sorry! :)

lol that's the good and bad thing about having such an active imagination.

i love them also, which is why i could still see the beauty of their interactions even through the effin' numbness.

omg, don't even talk to me about the Ellen and Jo thing. i loved those two women something fierce, because i thought the way their relationship played out-- it was rly reminiscent of like, Samn'Dean wasn't it? that kind of "Us against the whole fucking world" and Jo wanting to make her own path, and having something other than love, having that dream of BEING more to guide her and then Ellen's fierce unflinching protectiveness.

it's like --idk if i've mentioned this to you be4 probably have, of like how i read somewhere that Jewish moms in Russia would cut off the thumbs or the index of their babies so they wouldn't be conscripted into service and go off and die as cannon fodder. i'm always fascinated/in love with that cruel, gorgeous love that rips a hole into anything in its wake that can threaten it or whatevs, even when "it" ends up being one or both the lovers (lovers in a sexual and non-sexual way). awesomesauce.

anyways, see? i can blather too. blathering is encouraged. ;D

Yep yep yep. I would have loved this episode had I not been hung up on "you killed my bb." The Leviathans are pretty cool. But... don't care. You killed Cas and I was too emotionally stunned to give a shit about the rest of the episode.

it was just hard to feel engaged after that death-- but i think it's the type of episode that is best appreciated once you get the whole season, because-- well. i can't think clearly right now. i'm too caught up in Cas's death.

the problem is, i don't rly know if i'll stick around the whole season.

yes yes yes YES to alll of that. I was too stunned to appreciate the rest of the episode. And I have no desire to keep watching until I know if Cas is back (and even then, in what context). And maybe that makes me a bad fan but I give no fucks.

i think there are many different types of fans...and being in fandom as a reader or a writer is already about acknowledging that canon lacks something. if you're completely satisfied with canon you don't feel the need to read/write fanfic, so that's a type of crit right there.

anyway, whatever. i think we're an awesome fan, because i put up with a lot of bullshit and so do you.

i always think, "fine, i'll eat it, but damned if i'm gonna make any yum yum noises"

I've said it before and I'll say it again: I love your brain :)

*hugs* ♥

Hello, Cruel World. -_- I am Ben Edlund's broken heart.

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